Confessions of a Confused Child

I never had problems growing up in a broken family.
Until I realized that having a family like this isn't normal.
My life isn't normal.

I grew up thinking that this set-up is fairly normal. That my classmates and friends' families are all like this. That you don't see much of your father. You'll have few days a month that gradually became once or twice a year. But still I thought, that was normal.

However, I started noticing things. Like for example, why do my cousins have their fathers everyday at home? Why mine isn't? I even began to get confused who are my real parents. I've been taught to call my aunts and uncles Mommy and Daddy. Later on, I would go to their respective family gatherings. I thought my cousin's cousins are my own as well. There was also this couple who don't have a child told me I was their daughter. And of course --wait for it!-- I believed them. I never told that to my parents. That should break their hearts, eh?

As the years go by, I developed a tiny little monster in my heart called jealousy. You see, I witness my classmates everyday having a normal family life. All those stories they have, family day thingy, having meals together, being dropped off to school on their very first day of school, celebrating Christmas, birthdays, and every holiday that you could think of.

And speaking of first day of school, everyone have their little stories right? How your Mom or Dad dropped you off and they stayed just by the window so you wouldn't cry? Well sadly, I do not have that one. Because no one was watching me through that window on my first day. I have no one to look at when I got scared. Imagine the horror of being locked up in a room with kids you don't even know who probably have someone ogling at them by the window and a teacher who's pretending to like every kid in that hell room. It was the scariest thing ever. So my green-eyed monster were all over the place as I grew up.

Another con of growing up in a broken family would be you are not used to affection. I do not know if it's like that with everyone, but it is for me. So if you get this feeling that I am a cold blooded human being without even an ounce of sweetness in my system, you know who to blame. I grew up this way.

People don't realize how painful it is to grow up in a broken family. Sadly, most of the people make fun of it. Instead of making them--us complete by showing us a little love, yet you taunt us, remind us that we aren't complete, that we'll never be complete...because we don't have what you have. A family.